She Surrenders - The Podcast
She Surrenders is where we talk about faith, addiction, and women all in the same place. Sherry’s 10-year struggle with alcohol ended in surrender to God and a 1,000-mile bike trip. There is an easier way! Sherry started She Surrenders out of a place of needing to find other women of faith struggling with their secrets of addiction. Her heart is to share everything about recovery and what it looks like to surrender to God and the life He calls you to live. Whatever you struggle with, you are in the right place to find encouragement and comfort that you are not alone. We all have our stuff.
Its about time we learn from each other and share our stories of surrender and the joy that can be found in a life living in recovery as a woman who loves the Lord.
She Surrenders - The Podcast
Ep 62 | From Burden to Blessing: Steve Kelly
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In this episode, Steve Kelly, shares his experience with childhood trauma, battles with addiction and mental health, and ongoing redemption through Jesus Christ.
Steve's story is filled with hope, encouragement, and perspective that only recovery can bring - including how his struggle with alcohol has become a blessing that he can use to help others in their recovery journey.
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Steve Kelly is a 42-year radio veteran who currently serves as morning show host on WOOD Radio.
About the She Surrenders Podcast:
On the She Surrenders podcast we are talking about women, faith and addiction all on the same platform. There are many podcasts for women and sobriety, but very few for women seeking information and stories from others about faith-based recovery.
Help us reach more listeners: like, subscribe, review, and share.
Find us on Instagram @shesurrenders_sherry, on Facebook @shesurrenderssherry, and online at www.shesurrenders.com.
Welcome back to the Feet Surrenders podcast. I'm Terry, and my heart behind this podcast is to bring you the absolute news that faith-based recovery is where you'll discover the joy in life you never thought possible while you were in the bondage of addiction. The stories you'll hear of women and sometimes men who have walked in your shoes or alongside someone who has inspire you to pursue the same freedom they've found. This freedom comes from surrendering not only our addictions, but also our guilt and same to God. Matthew 19, verse 26 tells us, with man, this is impossible. But with God, all things are possible. I pray that today's episode brings you to a new understanding that this is true for you too, because it is. Now, on to our guest. Welcome back to the She Surrenders Podcast. Today I have Steve Kelly with us. Little different here today, but Steve has a great story. I know Steve because he's local to me here. You're gonna know him as the voice of Wood Radio if you are local to me as well. And he is great on the podcast. But after all, he is on radio, right? So I was a little intimidated, but it was a great conversation. He's going to share his recovery story, how the Lord has worked in him and then his family. He talks about AA and how that has helped him so much through the years. It's just a great conversation. So let's get started. So welcome, Steve. I am so excited you're here this morning as we uh recently connected. I met Steve and his wife Sandy at the Sayla House Recovery dedication last month. And we had connected that day as well, as he was uh gracious enough to have me on his show this morning, that morning to talk about it. So now I'm having him here to share his recovery story, which he is quite open about here in Grand Rapids in his position as morning host on Wood Radio. So welcome, Steve.
SPEAKER_01Sherry, it's an honor to be a part of uh your your podcast segments. You were doing amazing work in this community. Our first conversation was one of those like we've known each other for 30 years, right? And uh I always say there are no coincidences. I think that's a God thing. And uh that's sure as uh the dickens how you and I met. So uh it's an honor to be here, Sharon.
SPEAKER_00Oh, well, I feel the same way. And I was very excited after our first phone conversation. It's just so obvious that God is always on the move and connecting dots and putting together pieces that we have no idea uh, you know, what he's up to, but it's always exciting to find out when some of that's revealed. So yeah, so the She Surrenders Podcast is all about sharing your recovery story and you know what that looked like in your life. And um, usually it's women talking. So you're one of I think three men that spent your number three that on the podcast. Yes, so it's an honor, you know. Um, this doesn't happen easily, but once in a while we need to hear from the men and you know what they're going through. And um, I think it's important, and I know you have a really good story, so I'm just gonna give you the mic, which you're very used to, which is a little intimidating on my end because you've been at behind the microphone a lot longer than me. So I don't think you're gonna have any problem.
SPEAKER_01It's coming up on 42 years now.
SPEAKER_0042 years?
SPEAKER_01Radio. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Wow. Well, you do such a good job. So I'm just gonna say, just take it away.
SPEAKER_01I think my story, like so many others, when it comes to uh mental health and addiction, starts with trauma. And when I have an opportunity to speak with people, I generally start with an incident that happened in March of 1979 when uh hitchhiking in England of all places. My parents were in the Air Force. I got into a car accident with my best friend, and unfortunately, he didn't survive. Uh, the accident was grisly and it left a mark. And like so many, uh, we didn't treat the PS, uh the PTSD. And well, obviously, we didn't know a lot about it in 1979, maybe for the military, but not for kids on tiny Air Force bases. And uh, I remember the next day after that car accident, it took uh professionals two hours to cut me out of the metal. I was not injured, which led to even more survival guilt. Um, while I stared at the lifeless body of my uh best friend, um, I remember God getting my attention and telling my parents that the next day I wanted to go to church. Um, and we did. And then we rarely missed a Sunday. We were Easter and Christmas Christians, like so many. I had no idea what it was all about. And a year after that, uh, on the day, March 9th, 1980, I accepted Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. And as a coincidence, and I use that word uh mockingly, um, I uh I attached to radio a lot in those years from around the world. And I spent a lot of time alone in my room in those days. Uh I felt so awkward and weird around other people. Uh, people would uh point and kids would say, that's the guy in the accident, and he's the one that lived. And uh, I was just so uncomfortable with all of that. And I latched onto some Christians like Dr. Chuck Swindahl, whom uh is still with us and is one of the most amazing ministers in all of Christianity, he said. Um so it kind of started there, and I choked back all of those feelings, somehow moved back to the United States and eventually uh found my way into radio. I think I thought that if I became one of those confident voices, maybe I would be. You know what I mean? And although I became one of those confident voices, I was certainly wrong about the premise because I was still painfully shy and insecure. Um I kicked off a great uh career. Uh, I always enjoyed alcohol, and I think I tried it earlier than most people do. And although I didn't lose control in those early days, it was more important to me and seemed to uh have a purpose when other kids maybe tried it and didn't like it. Uh, I had a tolerance. Um, and it was something that I went back to. Eventually, after college, I had a great career, I got married, we had kids. Um, but this whole childhood patch that I put over those wounds came uh to a head after my daughter had a car accident at the age of 16. And I remember hearing the chirp of a first responding vehicle when she called me to say that she was in an accident before saying anything. And uh it kicked off a series of panic attacks. And although she's okay, thank God she had a concussion. And during that time period, uh the panic attacks didn't stop. It became a full bore medicated uh situation. And um I drank more and more. Caitlin got better, I got worse and worse, as is often the case, it uh months turned into years, and uh eventually I was drinking whenever I wasn't at work and awake. And um it it took some uh some coaxing from God uh and a deadly diagnosis to get my attention.
SPEAKER_00So how many, so first of all, from that accident time, how many years in between the accident that you were in up till Caitlin's accident?
SPEAKER_01Uh that was probably about, I would have to go back and think, uh, probably about uh 25 years.
SPEAKER_00Okay. And you never went for any help for treating trauma or dealing with that accident that whole time. You were dealing with it yourself and listening to Chuck Swindahl or whatever else you could get a hold of on the radio. And to be clear, we couldn't just search for a podcast then, you know. No, um, or so I hear, you know.
SPEAKER_01As somebody processing as a 13 or 14-year-old, um, where I sort of arrested after this uh accident, um, it it it I felt like it was my fault. Uh I I felt just like a lot of kids do involved in trauma that I must have done something. Um, I lived and somebody died. There was a lot of guilt uh centered around that. That survivor's guilt is a real thing. So it represented a shame to be repressed, and that's what I did psychologically. And I thought about it on the anniversaries, uh, and it made me super sad. And one of the things that I uh I kept being reminded by was a Christmas card. You know, my parents, and his name was uh John, the boy that uh passed away, uh, exchanged Christmas cards. And my mom has a big basket and she leaves them out all year long. And we kind of catch up with school friends and family friends and by going through their cards, right? And each year I would search through it and find theirs. And the father, uh Sergeant uh Gerard Andre, would write the letters to my mom, and I it would give me pangs of guilt. You know, there's this poor family living without a son, and here I am excelling in uh, you know, a radio career, and I got a wife and two kids, and um, it just sort of panged away at me. And I found ways uh to to sort of swallow that guilt literally with alcohol.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, okay. So now we're at the point where Caitlin's accident has brought that trauma back out or raised brought it to the surface, I guess you should say. So you're medicating, and alcohol is the biggest medication from is it ever?
SPEAKER_01And it's absolutely uh the wrong medicine for anxiety attacks um and uh depression. And uh eventually uh it was such a thing, and God bless Sandy, my saint wife. So many of us in recovery have uh spouses, significant others and families that are amazing. And when Sandy talks about this time in our life, this season, which is ongoing, uh she says that she wasn't going to let alcohol win. She's a woman of faith, and she prayed, and uh she put that into action and um she found a way uh to get a uh a liver panel, you know. I hadn't been to the doctor in a long time. Uh by the time uh things came to a head, I was not well. I was not eating like I should, I was gaunt and I was uh drunk. Alcohol is a cumulative um uh drug, and I couldn't get enough of it. And eventually, uh after my liver enzymes, after just a routine blood test were through the roof, a follow-up exam with a gastroenterologist was called. And then uh I remember the gastroenterologist said, You got to stop drinking for two weeks so we can get another test. And there was no way, Sherry, in those days, I could go uh a few hours without alcohol. And I didn't. Um, eventually I got a liver biopsy and I had uh pre-cerrhosis, and I was just about uh at the point where I couldn't come back. You don't come back from cirrhosis, and that's where God got my attention. I remember in that uh early morning after putting a few cocktails away to go to the doctor saying, What if I drank something else, doctor? Maybe I'm drinking the wrong thing. And I I should I really felt that. And to this day I remember the look on Sandy's face and his face, like in the face of you're gonna die, right? I say, maybe I'm just not drinking in the right combination. I was desperate to keep the booze in my life. I was more afraid of not having alcohol as a shield than I was of dying. Um, and as somebody who had Christ in his life, uh, it it was time for God to say, you're not gonna serve two masters anymore. And on my knees at church in Lent in 2014, I said, God, I'm I'm absolutely powerless against this. I'd prayed so many things, Sherry, but that uh help me uh stop drinking uh tonight, help me to control my drinking. I never said take it away from me. Uh and when I did, uh something, I get goosebumps just saying it, something electric happened to me. And almost immediately those cravings went away. Those there was a lot of work to be done, and a lot of that work was done uh in prayer, a lot of it with a psychologist, a lot of it in AA meetings. Um, but truly admitting it, like sin, um something happened just by saying it, and and Jesus filled my heart. And oh boy, it's a different world now in sobriety for over 10 years.
SPEAKER_00Wow. And that doesn't even seem like wow, that doesn't even seem like the right word. There's really no word that can describe that as you've read my story, so you know my surrender moment was very similar. You went to the doctor, you're told you're gonna die. And if somebody's listening to this and they're not, or they've never been in the shoes of you know, addiction, that doesn't make any sense to them that you would be contemplating maybe I just need to drink differently. I had that thought, and maybe I just need to get better at hiding it. That's probably a better idea. But that's how, you know, what's the AA saying? Cunning, baffling, powerful. That's how controlling that it is in your life. It's a strong force to be reckoned with. But I struggle. Like I just heard you describe your story, and I'm like, Yep, that's me. That was the moment, and I can name it down to the second. But what about the person that says to you, Yeah, I did that, Steve? I didn't get that. I didn't have that moment of I still had to do the work, but the cravings disappeared, and I was on fire for recovery. Because I'm sure you encounter that. I mean, I get asked that question a lot, and it's a really hard one to answer because I want that for everybody. And it's hard to answer how is my surrender different from yours?
SPEAKER_01Well, that's the key, isn't it? I I think the the key is rigorous honesty. Um, I I believe and AA is centered around God. And though in AA they say the God of your understanding, I I think um the two that started it, who were Christians, um, found a brilliant way to stop any sort of arguments about which sect or uh denomination or how who's gonna be the wow, what a great way to take that off the table. Um I I think uh and so much so I just read, Sherry, that uh when um Bill and Bob started the things, the the AA book, the first pages of the thing are uh so close to the book of James, they used to call them the James gang. Fascinating, isn't it? Yeah, I didn't know that. It's it's the spiritual thing. Uh I can't, uh we can. And uh once you connect with God and are finally at that honest level that you're powerless, that's when God rushes in, and that's when the things uh begin to happen. And so many people go out and come in. Uh, so many people you think, why haven't they gotten the message yet? Man, it was certainly said to me, dude, you got to back off a little bit. Look at you, right? It doesn't even come into the conversation in your head that that's possible.
SPEAKER_00Right. It's as foreign of an idea as cutting off your foot. It really is, you know, like going forward without alcohol. And yet, 10 years later, here you are, living life. And you would never go back by choice.
SPEAKER_01No. And uh, you know, the question for somebody listening right now that may think, I know somebody in my life, what am I supposed to say to them? What am I supposed to do? And the answer that we always give you is, well, I'm afraid there's not a whole lot. You can point them uh to places like uh your podcast and an AA meeting, but it's really up to them. And uh you need to love them and uh you need to hug them and uh you need to stick with them because uh it's a disease and an awful lot of us uh don't make it, but there's hope uh and it's in recovery. And uh one of the 12s uh one of the things about the steps and the 12th step, it's about giving back. Something magical, and I think Christianity is about this as well. Something magical about ministering to somebody else. There's something that involves God when you uh share time with another person in recovery or is struggling and hasn't started yet. Listen, uh, I am not a goof incapable of making a good choice. I am someone that has a disease and there's a way through this disease. And uh, let me tell you how it worked for me. You figure out how it works for you, and that's magical.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and there's so much power in wanting to go alongside somebody and say, you know what? I found this. I found this freedom, I found this freedom in surrendering my addiction to God. There's a whole new life waiting for you, and you want that so badly for them, and they want what you have, but they want you to just tell them how to do it, and that's not possible. They have to, they have to reach that, admitting they're powerless themselves. But walking alongside them and encouraging them, I think that's one of my biggest rewards in recovery. It's so freeing and it's kingdom work, it's kingdom work, and it's who he calls us to be. That's all he asks, you know, is just say yes to the to the person that needs your help, live in the fruits of the spirit, and I see that in you, and I think that's just amazing. So, and to the part about you know, someone listening, like my husband or your wife, like I'm done, I don't know what to do. And I talk to a lot of people like that, which is really hard because they're talking about the anger and sometimes hate they have towards me, you know, like and that's really uncomfortable sometimes because I want to say, and I do, you need to just love them because they don't want this any more than what you do, and they don't mean to hurt you, but they don't know how to get out. And until they're ready, nothing's going to change. But dumping the alcohol, hiding the alcohol, taking money, all the things, nothing's going to work until they're ready. So you just can't stand by for when they are.
SPEAKER_01And I'm I'm not a good person when I drink, uh, and I understand the damage that uh the disease has done through me uh to people around me. And uh I want to remember all of it, not for shame, uh, just to remember uh that there's one thing that turns me from uh this person into that person, and it's alcohol. And uh boy, what a blessing that is, right? To know uh it's just one little ingredient uh that let's call it an allergy, that uh that I gotta take. Uh, some people can't have uh gluten. Um uh I'm cool with gluten, uh, but give me alcohol and I'm gonna disappoint you. So what a blessing to know what it is.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but I was I was at an event recently and I was just staring at the bar. And someone missing, I mean, someone must have caught me. I mean, I wasn't staring at it like, dang, I wish I could have some of that. I was just staring at it, just looking at all this liquor and all the damage it causes in life and in family. And I did think too, just four ounces of that, two, I don't know, a taste has a power to destroy my life. And I'm so glad. I thought the same thing, I know what that is, and I'm so glad that I sit here and look at that with total, total distaste and and just almost just it it it disgusts me. You know, I can't even think of putting it in my mouth, but I'm grateful for that. To look at that and not wish I could partake in it, that's a miracle right there. And I don't feel like people understand that until they're till they're there. But I I tell them all the time, it can happen, it can and will.
SPEAKER_01And you know, God uh tells us to be thankful in everything, and I'm thankful uh that I'm an alcoholic because on this side of things, uh, I'm closer to my God, uh, I am closer to my Wife and my two wonderful daughters, and I am able to work for God through this. What a blessing that is.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's huge. At a retreat last weekend, our theme was joy, joy. We were talking about joy a lot and studying joy. And the Bible tells us joy in all circumstances. Joy is found in the deepest depth of suffering. That's where it starts. And that's biblical joy. And nobody signs up for that, but there's something so awesome waiting on the other side because I always say, and I want to hear from you if you experience this, like the first time you felt joy away from addiction. Like, do you remember it? Do you, you know, there was nothing around it to numb one of those just super joyful experiences in life. And you were like, Yeah, the hard stuff is hard. That's that hits you too, um, without alcohol to to numb any pain, but it's also not numbing joy. And I just remember thinking, you know, nobody told me this part that this is gonna feel that good without any barriers, without any walls.
SPEAKER_01I would be as I would say as simple as sleep. Um I used to think uh one of the reasons why I drank was sleep because I couldn't sleep. You took away uh you take away alcohol from an alcoholic. Sleep is wonderful.
SPEAKER_00Oh, for sure, for sure. I just had someone message me yesterday that's on there, I think day 10, and they said the sleep, the sleep, nothing's waking me up at 3 a.m. And I'm like, oh, keep going, because that is truly the best part where you really, really start to feel better, being very grateful for that. So what does life today look like, Steve?
SPEAKER_01Um, it is hopeful. Uh, it is um, by the grace given me, uh, being part of God's plan. And the more active I am with those in recovery or uh speaking about my savior, uh the more wonderful uh it is. One of the blessings of being a father who is an alcoholic is when we found out that uh we have a daughter who is an alcoholic. And if going forward and learning what I learned just uh to help her uh was a thing, it's all worth it, uh man, uh, because uh we are closer as a family because of that as well. So, and God bless her, for coming to grips with it uh as someone in her 30s as opposed to someone so much older when I did. I am thankful for her as well because she's using it to open the door uh to God as well. And so many kids are seeing stuff on the internet and uh wherever else that takes them away from the faith that we taught them, that helped we help teach them. And if you open the door, God will find a light in them as well. So uh that's been an amazing part of this journey, too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And you know our family story, and that we've walked a lot of the same road and our family with our with our daughter-in-law, and I can speak about it because she's very public, and her story is on this podcast. She's my right hand at Sayla House, and just like the verse in the Bible, what meant to destroy um we're using for good. And tried to take our family down quite a few times now, and it's it's just not gonna happen. And I love to see our family just growing closer, as you know, just like yours, like not gonna win. It's not gonna win, to borrow Sandy's expression. So I love that. And I I look at that and I used to, you know, if I went to an AA meeting and the young person was there getting their slip signed, I would be like, Oh, I'm so sorry that you have to quit at such a young age. You're missing out on so many years. Now I'm like, thank God you're quitting at such a young age, and you're not going to miss out on so many years because there's so much good ahead. I'm sorry for the time I lost, but I'm gaining speed trying to make up for it and do a lot better. It sounds like that's what you were doing too, and as a family.
SPEAKER_01Just a few weeks ago, I was part of a uh a kid, a young guy, and we call it the nudge from the judge, right? When uh you have uh legal papers, uh there are sobriety courts, and I'll tell you they work. A lot of us uh lose our battle, um, but it's just another way uh to get the attention of these people. And he was a young man too, like my daughter, and he came to meetings and he was lost, he didn't make eye contact. Uh oh, he just looked miserable. And when it came time to share, he said, I pass. And I saw him get his three-month coin and I saw this young man smile for the first time. And I don't believe I've seen anything more beautiful in my life. Um, suddenly, uh, by opening the door to God, uh, he's gaining uh confidence again and he's finding himself in a new way. And oh boy, for a couple of bucks at an AA meeting, you get to see some pretty cool stories play out.
SPEAKER_00I I like to tell the story of there was a there's a guy, an older man at an AA meeting that I went to once in a while. And I didn't go to a lot of AA meetings, but I just honestly I chalk it up too, I didn't find the right group. But it did lead me to pursue where I, you know, where I am today with God. But um, I think AA is a wonderful program. But this guy would always say at the end, and granted, I was still drinking, so I was not invested in AA. I was just there to make everybody else happy, you know, and learn the lingo so I could say the right thing when I got home about the AA meeting I went to at night. But um this guy would always say, and I'm grateful to be in recovery, or I'm grateful to be a longtime drinker or something like that, or I'm grateful to be in recovery. And I would think to myself, what a liar! No one's grateful for this, you know, like he must be high. That was always my thought. Like, what is EC Nile? Because nobody signs up for this, nobody. I mean, it was just a foreign language to me, and so I decided the whole group was fake. Actually, I was the one that was very fake. So, um, but I get that now, I get the grateful part of it, and that was true joy that he was talking about to true joy and gratitude to be where he was that amen.
SPEAKER_01What a great way to put it.
SPEAKER_00I couldn't agree. So, well, thank you, Steve. Thank you for all you're doing in the community and sharing your story and using your public voice too to encourage others. So thanks again for being here. I super appreciate it.
SPEAKER_01You know, um, I've I've heard it and I say it. Um, I don't care who knows that I'm an alcoholic, as long as I never forget. So, given uh the transmitter I have and the social media spread that I have for the grace shown me, it's my responsibility uh to share my story. And uh it's an honor to do so, Sherry, and it's an honor to do so here too. Thank you, and God bless you for your important work as well.
SPEAKER_00Thank you, Steve. God bless ya. Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope you found encouragement and inspiration from what you heard here. If you know someone who could benefit from the She Surrenders podcast, please share it with them. Let's spread the word about the miracle of faith-based recovery. Don't forget, like, share, subscribe, and leave a review. When you do these things, it helps get the message to those who are seeking answers that can only be found when we put down our addictions and pick up the promises of a whole new life when we walk in recovery with the Lord. Have a wonderful week, and I'll see you next time.