Ep 56 | Transforming Lives with Joyful Surrender

What happens when you surrender your addiction to God and a Community that is doing the same thing? In this episode of the She Surrenders podcast,  women from the Joyful Surrender group share their deeply personal paths to recovery, illustrating the profound impact of faith and community. These heartfelt narratives underscore the critical importance of connection and faith-based support in overcoming addiction.
We delve into the feelings of shame and isolation that accompany addiction and how discovering others with similar battles can transform that experience. Through open, honest conversations, we reflect on what it means to Joyfully Surrender our addictions to God and how it leads to a life free from shame and full of fulfillment.

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About the She Surrenders Podcast:

On the She Surrenders podcast we are talking about women, faith and addiction all on the same platform. There are many podcasts for women and sobriety, but very few for women seeking information and stories from others about faith-based recovery.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:10

Welcome to the she Surrenders podcast. I'm Sherry and I want to share everything I can with you about recovery and what happens when you surrender your addiction to God and say yes to a whole new life. Now, let's get started and say yes to a whole new life. Now let's get started. Tonight, I have nine women with me well, nine, including me from our Joyful Surrender group that meets every week and we thought it would be good to share with you what a meeting is like, and usually we don't have a script. We might have something we're studying or you know a topic. That's a good conversation starter, but there's always conversation and there's always encouragement and it's just a great place to be, and that's why everybody showed up to do this podcast with me tonight, which I'm so grateful. So we're going to get started and the first question I want to ask Janet is with us and she volunteered to be first. I want to hear from you, janet, what brought you to Joyful Surrender?

Speaker 3 1:14

well, um, I found she Surrenders um as a podcast and I started listening to the podcast Um and I really liked, I really connected um with all the ladies stories on there and it just really resonated with me. And then I checked out the website of she's Renders and, um, there was a process like a few questions um that I was supposed to answer then, um, the last one was um to speak with you, sherry, and I guess I I didn't hesitate um to to speak with you. I just I was desperate, um at that point for connection, um, just connection to just find my people, um, find my people in recovery and um, I really liked that. It was faith based Um, that's very important to me. Um, I I think of the first commandment a lot about thou shall have no other God before me and I, when I was drinking I I mean alcohol was my god and you know I I just, you know, knew that that was not right. It was just not working for me and I joined last December in 2021, she Surrenders and then Joyful Surrender the group and it's just been a blessing for me.

Speaker 3 2:49

I've just made so many connections with all the ladies in here and I tell you what, and I've had my struggles since then. I've had a couple relapses and nobody, you know, left me or, you know, told me to leave the group or anything like that. They just all encouraged me and got me back on track. And I keep trying. You know, I'm not going to give up and I've made so many friends here Like I, you know I'm not going to give up.

Speaker 3 3:26

And I I've made so many friends here Like I. You know I don't want to give that up. Like I think why don't I just, you know, leave the group and go back to my old lifestyle? And and the reason is is I would miss everyone Like I. I, you know, I've made connections here and it's just really made a difference in my life and I just I heard a saying that you never fail until you stop trying. And I'm just, I'm not going to stop trying. And today I have 25 days of sobriety and I tell you what I couldn't have done it without the encouragement of everyone in this group and um, just so thankful for it.

Speaker 1 4:11

Janet, I'm so grateful you're here and, yeah, you've had a a roller coaster journey, but one of the neat things that we get to see as members of this group with you is the different growth that takes place each time. You know it's it's different every time and I see you inching closer and closer to long-term sobriety and I'm so excited for you, and it's not anything that anybody can do specifically for you, because you're thinking of joining this group because maybe that will work.

Speaker 1 4:47

That's not. That's not what it is, um, and that's the reason for the phone conversation, because I I can't do anything, nor can anybody in this group, to help you quit drinking, any more than when it was me trying to quit drinking. It just doesn't work that way. But what we can do is encourage, and I believe that God speaks through each one of us, and there's so often that I read something in our forum or I hear something in the meetings where I'm like God meant that message for her. Or, you know, something will come out of my mouth or someone else's and I'm like where did that come from?

Speaker 7 5:24

Well, it's.

Speaker 1 5:24

God, it's's all God, so I'm so glad you're here, janet, and uh thank you, me too, yeah, so anybody else want to quit drinking? On my own.

Speaker 5 5:40

And I think, as the girls here know, the more years you drink, it seems like the worst things happen until you're finally like who am I? I cannot believe I'm doing things that I'm doing well anyway. Um, about a month ago because tomorrow will be my 30th day of being sober um, I just realized, just realized, yeah, I did some scary things. I drove under the influence, which you know is very shameful to myself, and my car was home and I didn't realize how I even got there. So when I woke up the next morning, I got this cannot go on. I'm going to hurt somebody else, I'm going to hurt myself. I've tried over and over and over to quit. I have to do something different. I know we all know the definition of insanity husband, but also my sister, my brother, my mom asked them to pray for me and I had a couple of friends that I shared with, asked them to pray. And my sister, who doesn't even drink alcohol, sent me the she Surrenders link and just said hey, this lady has a blog and a podcast, she might be interested in it. And yeah, when I looked at it, looked at some of your blog posts and then listened to some of the podcasts, it's not like this is what I've been looking for. These people, you know, like get it, because the guilt of being a Christian and an alcoholic are just I don't know. It's very isolating, very shameful.

Speaker 5 8:05

Um, while I was reaching out um to my siblings, I also reached out to um like a alcohol recovery coach, and that was a new, scary thing for me as well. And, um, I was hoping that would be enough and I asked him, like, do you think I need to do like some sort of group therapy, or I just do a Bible study or just talk to you? And he said you know, you can't go this alone. You really have to, you know, go on this journey with somebody else else. Um, a group and a faith-based group was very important to me.

Speaker 5 8:48

Um, and yeah, since I had your connection of she surrenders, it's like that joyful surrender sounds exactly what I'm looking for. So, yeah, I just filled out the questions, talked to you. The minute I talked to you, sherry, I knew like this is where I am meant to be, like it was just a perfect fit. And yeah, since I've been here, it's been encouraging, not only the meetings but just the kind of camaraderie during the week and encouragement. You can ask for prayers. Yeah, it's just been a gift from God. I know it was providential, so I'm so very grateful to be here.

Speaker 1 9:43

I'm grateful you're here too, and I remember our phone call and that that night you came to the meeting right? Wasn't that like the next day, or like right around there, or?

Speaker 5 9:50

something I talked to you within a day or two of the meeting.

Speaker 1 9:56

Yeah, yeah, you bravely just said yeah, I'm in.

Speaker 5 10:03

And I did Well, yeah, I'm in. I did Well. Yeah, I guess when you finally know I got to do something different, then you just have to do a lot of things different. You know Right.

Speaker 1 10:16

I remember when you told me the story about you know you drove under the influence and that can't happen again, and I was like I had this little zinger go through my head. Like there's the difference. The person that truly wants to change says that can never happen again. They don't mean driving the car while they're drinking, they mean I can't drink ever and not I can never drive again while I'm drinking. It's like it all has to go. The driving wasn't the issue, the drinking was the issue.

Speaker 1 10:48

And when I hear that I know that someone is serious, because there's a saying in the addiction alcoholic community maybe it's more than the alcoholic community, but it says what has to change when you quit drinking. And the answer is everything. And when you hear that for the first time and you haven't quit drinking it it scares you to death because you can't imagine changing everything. Or you think if I just change just one thing, everything else will be great and that's not the way it works either. So we talk about that a lot here. You know what changes that and one of the neat things is we have everything from you know, a little under a month of sobriety to 10 years of sobriety. So you can hear from everybody that's been through every stage, and you know, we talk about the times we've relapsed. We talked about the times that god has been there for us and, um, along with that comes a passion to want to speak into another, because we want this so badly for someone else that we just want to encourage.

Finding Joy in Sobriety

Speaker 2 12:01

So, debbie, weigh in on that. Yeah, I was, you know, talking about the little bit more into sobriety. I had the blessing of being involved with this. You know, I think I was about two and a half three years sober and you know that at that point it's like, ok, I quit drinking. I've kind of got that part down. You know, I know how to a wedding or you know, dinner and things like that.

Speaker 2 12:34

But how do I live my life in a joyful way, you know, without alcohol, moving forward for the rest of my life, you know, and, um, I was basically, I guess technically, a dry junk.

Speaker 2 12:41

You know, I wasn't really technically growing, I wasn't.

Speaker 2 12:45

You know I got sober I'm not going to say on my own because this is by the grace of God, but it was a lot of, you know, behind the computer screen with, you know, some chatting boards and things like that.

Speaker 2 12:59

But when I and I listened to a lot of podcasts and that's how I was, you know, found you Sherry, as you know, and being a part of a group of women who I always say are like me, you know, the sports moms and the Christian moms and Sue's right, there is a whole nother level of dealing with alcohol as a Christian woman that we bring on ourselves. You know really. But it's also because it's just another mask that we're on ourselves. You know really. But it's also it's because we're, it's just another mask that we're trying to hide behind. You know, we have that one extra mask and I'll tell you what. Just being a part of this group and having other women, my friends, that I get to talk to at any time I need them I know everyone's a phone call away or whatever it's just been such a blessing.

Speaker 1 13:44

I could not imagine the past few years without my friends here and I can imagine the past I don't know how many years, because you were one of the originals. So that doesn't make us old, it just makes us persistent. Yeah, and I wish you, as a listener, could see my screen right now, because it's just smiling women. I mean, sobriety does not suck, and there's a reason that it's called joyful surrender. Like you know, debbie just touched on this. You're looking, and Sue said that you're looking for joy on the other side of this thing, for joy on the other side of this thing, and that's why I call it joy for surrender, because there is joy in surrendering your sin. You know your secret sin, as I always said. So, um, yeah, I don't know. Terry, that's when I land on that too.

Speaker 4 14:38

Yeah, my um, I was an alcoholic for so many years before I found this group. I had some periods of sobriety, but nothing that lasted and it was just so shame based. Everything in my life was shameful. I was ashamed of my behavior. My family was ashamed of me. I was ashamed to talk about it to anybody. It just it was like brushed under the table because everyone I knew was ashamed of my behavior and there was nobody that I could talk to that understood it. I didn't even think there were any other alcoholics in the world, except maybe some old men or something, but I didn't know anybody that had issues like these. And to actually find a group and a Christian recovery group of women who I could talk to and be all out and to know these women understand and they care about you and they're not gonna hold these horrible things against you. It has totally changed my life being able to talk about these things and it is just good for the soul it is.

Speaker 1 15:59

I like that. And you touched on you like who else is an alcoholic? Well, I was listening to a podcast the other day, one that was recommended in our group I just can't think of exactly what it was and she said that seven out of 10 Christians she didn't necessarily say women, but she said Christians are struggling with addiction and keeping it a secret. And she said if you look down the average church pew, which holds probably 12, you're sitting in that pew with other people that are struggling from whatever their stronghold is. So you look at that and I look at sitting in church and feeling so alone, Like there is no way I could ever talk to anybody here, and I just put on my game face, church lady face and went to church. But I never, ever felt more convicted and shameful than when I was sitting in church, which is really sad because it's not what God intends for us when we go to church. So, with the thought of finding anybody there that was in my shoes, I wasn't going to be asking.

Speaker 2 17:21

No one else was asking I wasn't going to be asking either.

Speaker 1 17:25

So it has come out. You know, in the past oh gosh, six, seven years since I started really talking about it there was people there, there was others like me there and we were all suffering alone. And that's just sad to me. It's so sad. I wouldn't wish this on anybody. But what's on the other side? I think other people should be jealous of you know. So what keeps you coming back? Like this is not a thing that you've paid a membership fee for, that you're going to feel guilty if you don't attend, like if you don't go to the gym, you know, like I bought the membership, I better go. This is on your own. So what brings you back? What makes you look forward to Monday nights, carrie?

Speaker 8 18:19

Hey, okay, so I just want to say real quick, I will answer your question, but I have before me on a written, on a piece of paper Um, don't let the enemy silence you, because this for me, speaking up right now, is absolutely enormous. And, um, I've been a part of this group. You might have to remind me of that question in a minute.

Speaker 8 18:51

I've been a part of this group since early june, june 6th um, I didn't answer the five questions. I actually found your book, sherry, on amazon and it was like super cheap, just to download it straight onto my phone, which I never do. I love, you know, a hard copy, um, but I devoured it. And then I hunted you down I don't even know exactly where I found you I think Instagram or whatever and then went to your website and seen where I could sign up for a call and if you wouldn't, you actually got back to me pretty quickly and I think we hopped on the call on the phone together that night, that evening.

Speaker 8 19:38

So it just happened so fast that I don't think I had time to think about it too much to back out, but I was just at a place where I I was just just for the fact that I'm speaking up on this call right now is proof that satan has had his thumb on me for so long in shame and guilt and just wanting to silence me because, like y'all said, we're christians, we're women of faith, we should be on this, we shouldn't be struggling with this.

Speaker 8 20:09

And then I had another layer of I was out there trying to be a health coach as well, and so there was another layer of shame and um so, anyways, I just I've quit so many times in the past and when I got on the phone with you and I knew that making the commitment to be a part of this community meant that I needed to really make a commitment to myself and to to really do this and to see it through, I that this is the one element that was missing. You know, I've put so many times, but I never was a part of a community. I tried to be a part of a community that was not faith-based Well, some people were, but it was. You still didn't feel like you could be yourself and you could be vulnerable or you could be authentic.

Speaker 6 21:02

Authentic is the right word.

Speaker 8 21:04

Yeah, and I can't do, I cannot do this without him. He's a part of everything in my life, can't separate it, and so if I can't show up and be myself? So these three months of being in this group I have felt welcomed, accepted, I have felt like I am not too much, I'm not too little, whatever. Um, it's just been, it's been wonderful, and it's the connections. So I think that was what was missing. I'm, I'm at home, trying to do this on my own. I'm in shame, I'm in guilt. The enemy is keeping me silent, and it wasn't until I could start to actually speak about it, even just typing in a post on the in the group, just speaking about it. Let the light in and I have been on the most incredible healing journey. Oh, I get emotional. Over the past especially month that has been absolutely. Oh, it's been beautiful, it's been hard and it's been beautiful. But he's calling me out, you know, behind that shame and that guilt, and saying you know he's, he's all I need, he's all I need, and so it's just been.

Speaker 1 22:22

it's been way more than I could have ever thought it could be and I will say you participate in the group and you inspire many of us. You don't have to have umpteen days of sobriety to be an encourager, because you were encouraging since the moment you joined the group and I appreciate that about you's. It's so true what you just said about the you know the dark and the light, because I mean, every time we try to keep something a secret like this, it just doesn't work. And finding joy on the side of it and connection and everything is so important because, um, when you were just saying that about a group that you were a part of, I was a part of, or two might have even been the same one.

Renewing Commitment to Sobriety

Speaker 1 23:16

You could say what you believed in, but you could say you believed in God or you believed in your pet rock. It really didn't matter. You know all are welcome here. Really didn't matter. You know all are welcome here, and that's, if that's your, your journey, you know, if that's your stepping stone to sobering up and you feel comfortable there, do it, but complete it by trusting and bringing it to god and using your faith as your biggest weapon against this, because that's what we need is a weapon. Um, there, there will always be times that we're trying to get, that we're getting tripped up or the devil's looking for a way. I wondered what was going to happen when we all were trying to sign on tonight. So it's typically, you know, the devil's last thing. He likes to pull on us. Um, because we're, you know, women not exactly tech savvy, he's like fine, I'll go for the tech, but it didn't work. It didn't work. And do you have something to add to that, carrie?

Speaker 8 24:14

Well, I remembered your question what keeps us coming back? Yeah, what keeps me coming back is that commitment and to know that every single time I come back and show up, that that fear and that shame is just being obliterated. Is that the best word? Yeah, for sure. So, every single time.

Speaker 1 24:36

I show up, the enemy loses his grip on me, so and you know I thought of you today, carrie, because or because I read a post that I was this woman's a health. I think some of us actually follow her, so you might start nodding your head that you saw this. And she's doing this little dance, you know, making a reel, and it was how to drink on the weekend and stay healthy. And I'm like wait what? Because there's nothing healthy about drinking and that's a whole nother podcast and but I just thought this woman, that's. So I looked at him and she ton of followers. So many women, I think, especially young women, are looking up to her and she just gave everyone permission to drink responsibly.

Speaker 1 25:24

Well, back in the day for me, I saw something like that and I was like, well, I guess I can drink after all. It only took one little, you know glimpse of someone giving me permission, even a total stranger. That made the voice go. Fine, you can drink, you know but, and that's what being here is, you know but, and that's what being here is, because I lost the desire to drink a long time ago. But I want to continue to grow and we're not just here to try and talk, to try and add up the sober days, but just adding up our days here on Earth and using them to glorify him in the best way that we know how. And it does happen to be this addiction thing on this other side of it. So at least that's how I feel you know about being here. And um, kari, miss, miss. One year celebration week thanks, thanks for that.

Speaker 6 26:27

I just wanted to weigh in really quick on your question about what keeps you coming back, and I think for me it's just this one word it's relationship. I just think God is a relational God and he wants that with us, with Him and with people. And when I showed up here a year ago some of you were here I was really a mess. I mean, I was still. I still had toxic fumes coming off me. I was a mess and I needed you. All I needed, I needed it was so desperate. I needed every piece of information and every prayer and every thought.

Speaker 6 27:01

But then, as the months went on, and now I'm at a year. I keep coming because I want to be that, maybe for somebody too, and maybe it's just a. You know, I show up and give somebody hope, um, and kind of just to piggyback on what you just said, sherry. It's, you know I, I'm sober, I want to stay sober, but I know I'm one decision away that could land me right back to where I was and I never want to be back there again. So that's why I'm here.

Speaker 1 27:29

Yeah, and I appreciate that and I I will say we just talked about this the other day you were a hot mess, you were.

Speaker 1 27:40

You bet you were raw and you didn't have to say a whole lot, but you did get to see a glimpse of hope you know, and um, so many of you here we've watched each other change physically and emotionally, spiritually, but just even um, well, I guess I can say, debbie and I exchanged pictures today, kind kind of random, of a drinking, you know like a drinking pitcher, and her comment back to me was about do you remember it, debbie? It was about looking empty. Our eyes looked empty. Our eyes looked empty.

Speaker 1 28:20

And I went back and looked at those and I'm like she's so right, she's so right. Now, when I see a picture of me, I don't look at it to see if I look. Do I look drunk? Do I look with it? I mean I might look if it was a good angle.

Speaker 6 28:38

You know, all those things didn't go away.

Speaker 1 28:41

But I will say that, and my husband has said it too I see joy and I don't think there's if you want to squash your joy in life keep drinking, because it will keep you stuck. But if you're having any thoughts that maybe you should, it'd be a good idea to pursue that thought a little bit further. So one last question why faith-based recovery? How did you? You know, some of us have Christian roots, some of us are newer Christians and we what? Committed you to surrendering this to God, kim?

Building a Faith-Based Recovery Community

Speaker 7 29:34

I know for me. I mean, I tried it on my own so many times and you know I've been a Christian for a while and I was that guilt-ridden shame, you know. Wake up the next morning. God, please forgive me, I don't know it got into me. I'll please.

Speaker 3 29:50

I'll never do it again.

Speaker 7 29:51

And you know, a few days later you do it again and and all that. And it was just. I tried so many times on my own and I know I've told you there was that one piece I kept holding back, just in case, just in case that I wouldn't give God. And I didn't even know what it was. Yeah, I didn't even know. And, like I told you that one morning when I woke up it was like I had been set free. You know, I had finally given that peace to God and he had all of me, not just part of me, not just part of me, and I. So I knew that I needed a faith-based group to keep me connected to him. As far as this goes, you know, um, and and recovery, you know what I mean, Not with words, but anyway, um, I said, and I don't want to do it on my own, you know, I want, I want to do it with a group of godly ladies like you.

Speaker 1 30:48

so and I'm so glad you did, because you're doing amazing and you know. On that note too, um, one of the main worries when you quit drinking is you're going to lose all your friends, and I didn't lose all my friends, I just lost my drinking friends. I'm okay with that now, but nobody told me what I was trading them in for, which is this group of women and we're from all over the U? S and one in Australia, cause I get to say that, but we're from everywhere but yet we have a common bond, and that's not the addiction. The common bond is our love for the Lord and what he can do. So, excuse me, it's never happened before. I don't get to cough on a podcast, but oh well. So, callie, do you want to end with anything for us? Like, what could you say to encourage the woman that's thinking about coming to this group? And I had heard Sherry on a podcast and my faith, you know I just my story was I. I had been praying and praying, and praying for years. The same.

Speaker 1 32:17

Everyone's saying the shame the guilt and, um you know, hiding this big secret and and um, it just took over my life, and so I realized that all my praying, that I never really gave it to.

Speaker 1 32:33

God and and I saw it so clear, like this is you have to do the work. Now he's there, and so I did get sober, and I was sober about a year. But getting sober and, like you're saying, your friends change, relationships change. So, to have you know, I was feeling a little shaky in my recovery and so I decided to listen to some podcasts. And then I heard Sherry and I just felt like God had placed her in my life that day. I'd never followed up on a podcast and and God has you know, led you to to lead this group and and I I don't know what I'd do without it, because this isn't something you can just go and talk to anybody about about.

Speaker 2 33:50

you know they can pretend to understand, but you need the community and the faith-based community and knowing that God is by your side when you take the step to finally live a joyful life and stop being tortured by this horrible addiction that's robbing every day of your life that's robbing every day of your life.

Speaker 3 34:08

You know it's so much easier living without alcohol than living with it.

Speaker 1 34:12

And you know we always say if my only regret is that I didn't quit sooner, you know you gotta be brave and you will not regret getting sober. And I'm just so grateful for the friendships I've established here and just knowing I have this safe place to be and the encouragement that we give each other, and it's incredible.

Speaker 1 34:40

I couldn't say enough about it. Enough great things. I'm so grateful. Well, thank you, callie. That's just a great place to end. And again, if you're thinking about it, reach out. Joyful Surrender is on the website. We'll talk, and if this is God dangling this opportunity in front of you, don't waste it.

Unity in Faith-Based Recovery

Speaker 1 35:04

I, too, thought I mean the first year that I was on my own, first two years. Um, it did suck, it wasn't fun. There was no joy in sobriety, but it's finding new people. And the other thing is is that I know if something happens. I used to wonder when I was in early sobriety like something tragic. We've been through some tragedies in our life and what does that look like without drinking? Well, what it looks like is coming here and finding support and a shoulder to cry on, and it's invaluable. So thank you so much for doing this tonight, ladies, and being brave and showing up, and you all mean the world to me, and there's a lot of members that aren't here tonight. There would be that would be a three hour meeting. We were all here. So I'm just going to end with this scripture about meeting from Hebrews 10, 25. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. Amen.

Speaker 2 36:18

Amen yeah.

Speaker 1 36:19

All right, thanks everybody, and I'll be sure to highlight some of the key phrases and verses. So thanks again and have a good week. Thanks for listening. I invite you to SheSurrenderscom, where you will find your community for faith-based recovery and, if you, no-transcript.