She Surrenders - The Podcast

From Personal Struggles to Inspiring a Community: Jared Zimmerman's Journey with Mental Health and Addiction

• Sherry Hoppen • Season 5 • Episode 51

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Picture yourself in the shoes of a man who has lost his brother to suicide and succumbed to the depths of alcohol addiction. That's the raw and heart-wrenching journey of our guest, Jared Zimmerman, whose courage led him to ultimate recovery. Today's podcast with Jared Zimmerman will impact you no matter who you are.  Both Jared and his wife’s family are what we affectionally call a “grove family.”  That means that both of their families went to school with ours at the little country school called Forest Grove.  Heartache still finds its way into beautiful families raising kids out in the country, as you will soon hear.  God has woven together a story of suicide, addiction, family, and strength that, as painful as it is, Jared is using that story for God's purpose. Jared and Summer are a living testimony of what it looks like to live your faith out loud to encourage and walk alongside others in their pain.   As he paints a vivid picture of his struggles, from the anguish of losing his brother to the stigma of mental health, we can't help but be moved by his resilience and determination.
We'll introduce you to the amazing business they recently launched,  "Inspire One Life," a beacon of hope for those battling mental health challenges. Driven by their personal experiences, they are turning their pain into a platform for spreading positivity and mental health awareness. As we discuss the poignant messages conveyed by their merchandise, you'll be inspired by their resilience and determination. Summer shared a verse with me that seemed very fitting as I sat with them. 
Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Knowing these two lovely people since they were very young made it even more special to sit and share our stories together; even more special is that these are things that the fingerprints of God are all over. 
There's a special meaning to that last sentence; listen for it in the podcast!
You can find out more about Inspire 1 Life!

Website: www.inspire1life.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/inspireonelife/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/inspireonelifeapparel 

About the She Surrenders Podcast:

On the She Surrenders podcast we are talking about women, faith and addiction all on the same platform. There are many podcasts for women and sobriety, but very few for women seeking information and stories from others about faith-based recovery.

Help us reach more listeners: like, subscribe, review, and share.

Find us on Instagram @shesurrenders_sherry, on Facebook @shesurrenderssherry, and online at www.shesurrenders.com.

Speaker 1:

Welcome back to the she Surrenders podcast. I'm your host, sherri, and on each episode we share with you what happens when you put down your addictions and pick up the promises that God has for you in a brand new life of recovery. I have another great episode for you today, so let's get started. So we're here with Jared Zimmerman today, and I am so excited that you're here. It's been a long time. I've known you more as a kid. While you're still a kid as far as I'm concerned, in my mind you're one of the four Zimmerman boys singing fingerprints of God in front of church and the dream where you guys two still are.

Speaker 2:

But with all the matching suits and all the matching. Thank you, Grandma.

Speaker 1:

Yes, you could have done weddings if you would have kept it up. But yeah, so I reached out to Jared because he recently posted on his Instagram that he had nine years alcohol free and I thought that needed to be recognized and I wanted to know more. So I've known the Zimmerman family for a long time, but I did not know this, Jared, so I wanted you to share your story.

Speaker 2:

I'd love to, and, starting Well before we jump in, I did have a question and I was going to ask you before we started this. But with knowing you, since I was a kid, we were always raised to use Mr and Mrs, so saying your first name feels super weird. Do you prefer Sherry or?

Speaker 1:

I feel like that's hard.

Speaker 2:

Because it's been on my mind. That's been the thing I've been the most kind of nervous about. I'm like man. Am I at that age yet where I can be an adult?

Speaker 1:

I think you are. I think you just call me.

Speaker 2:

Sherry, it feels weird, though If you're comfortable with it, I'm fine with it.

Speaker 1:

I prefer to ask, though I think there's a rite of passage that happens that you can call me Sherry, I think you're there, I will take it, let's do it. If you called me anything else, I feel extremely old while we're doing this. So, sherry, it is.

Speaker 2:

Perfect. Well, thank you so much for just giving me the opportunity to be here. Starting off, I guess, a little bit of the backstory was in March 13 of 2014,. I actually received a phone call and went over. I was living in St Joe at the time St Joseph, michigan and got a phone call from a family member just to go and help them out at their house and just had this feeling like something just didn't feel right the whole way over there. When I was over there, I found out that my older brother, justin, who was older than me by 15 months, had actually taken his life From there, and there's a whole whole long story between then and now. But we grew up 15 months apart. So pretty much is that older, younger brother of when one brother does something, the other brother does that and you're constantly competing. And we were wrestling practice partners. We were the same size, same height, everything. I mean.

Speaker 1:

He took my clothes 90% of the time I never knew who was who. I really didn't.

Speaker 2:

Well, most people actually thought until we got to a point where I got a little bit taller than him, most people thought we were twins. We even wrestled against each other at a few tournaments because we were the same weight and that was awful. But kind of going down that road was. It was one of those things where and I'm sure you've seen this in your own children where when one kid's allowed to do this we talked about this briefly but when one kid can finally watch a PG-13 movie, it's like by default, you get that trickle down of everyone else. And that's how it was with Justin and I, where he would be allowed to see a certain type of movie than I was, because I was a little bit younger than him. When he started he cussed for the first time like I'm like, oh, it's okay if I do it. And then it was the same with alcohol. And we both, you know, throughout high school sports we were both very clean, we didn't drink, we didn't touch it.

Speaker 2:

After we both graduated was a whole nother story and it was that kind of typical path that a lot of people go down is, you know, oh, I'm out of the house, I'm allowed to drink, I'm an adult now. And yeah, I mean we were. It was just innocent partying. What we didn't realize is that until after he passed away was that he struggled with it a lot more than we realized. It wasn't just partying.

Speaker 2:

And then, kind of going back to me, following in his footsteps, I started going down the exact same path as him.

Speaker 2:

So, you know, after the day after his funeral I took off, went back to St Joe and just thought I could just isolate myself and work through it on my own. You know it's hard to even like articulate everything that you're feeling, but it's a mix of like anger, like angry with God, but at the same time needing him, but at the same time turning away from him and thinking that you can do it on your own. And yeah, I started going down that path for seven or eight months where it was just I was drinking all the time and just ruminating constantly on kind of where his mind was at and what led him to suicide, and even like talking about it was such a like. You know I'm now in that group of like oh, my brother, you know, died by suicide, like it was almost shame around that. But then I started making the same decisions that he was making, where it was something that was constantly on my mind and I don't know if you'll have any questions of that further.

Speaker 1:

or I was just thinking did you ever feel like you could figure out, like maybe that would help you figure out where Justin's head was, you know his why, and all that like if you, if you were slipping into his shoes, you know like into his mindset, as you were kind of following?

Speaker 2:

That's a good question. I don't know if it was which kind of came first, if it was me constantly thinking about it that started making me kind of go into his shoes and follow him, or if me trying to step into his shoes, then I started thinking about it more. I mean, like I'm not positive, but I do know that like I went through this phase because him and I we were so close and we were such good friends that when he did pass away it was that that almost guilt, because we were drinking, him and I were drinking a lot, and like there were times where I, even to this day, where, like my mind will start to question like, did I miss something because I was drunk with him? Did we ever have a conversation? And I just don't remember it because I was at a point, you know, I was blackout drunk, like we were just having fun, you know. And I still like there's times where I catch myself questioning that and just kind of letting the enemy into my mind, and but then I really it was trying to figure out why he did it.

Speaker 2:

That I think led me to going down that path of self destruction where I mean I remember when I first got home after he passed away, I went through all of his drawers. I mean it was I ended up moving back home, you know, after this, which is, you know, further down the story, but I was. I would take the drawers out of his the room he was living in and check under to see if he wrote anything on the drawers. I took the mattress off the bed and was checking like the little support beams that hold mattresses up. I checked to see if he left a note on those. Like you're just looking for everywhere and when you start to you start to look for things, you're going to see it. So, like when you're looking and ruminating on depression or alcohol or fill in the blank with whatever your struggle is, you're going to see more of that.

Speaker 2:

And if that's what you constantly dwell on, that that starts to consume you. So that's where I was at.

Speaker 1:

If that answer. I don't know if that answers your question, it does, and I can see how it doesn't help to let go either. No it keeps you very stuck and not able to move on. Yeah, but also how close you guys were. It makes sense.

Speaker 2:

Well, it's hard to let go and you don't even. You don't know how, you're not prepared for it.

Speaker 1:

No.

Speaker 2:

And but yeah, so I started drinking and I wouldn't say that I was at a point where I was addicted to it, but I would say that I was. I was using it as something that I almost could have an excuse if something bad happened to me, that it wasn't me making the decision, it was the alcohol or it was a multitude of things. It was an escape, it was an excuse for something bad happening to me and I think that, kind of going back to how you brought up the post, there was a moment where I was actually in Central Michigan. I drove up there for the weekend and I was drinking all night long. It was actually seven in the morning and most people were in bed by two, three AM and I had realistically drank enough to where I probably should have been unconscious, because I was at a point where the last four hours after everybody was done drinking, I was staring at pictures of him and drinking alone in a room and crying Manly tears. But crying.

Speaker 2:

But no, I had this moment, like we all do and I know I posted this, but when you're drinking sometimes you have to pee and I got up and I went to the bathroom and I just caught my own reflection and I had this, like it's so hard to explain, but I had this moment where just this complete clarity, like a snap of just clarity, and I just heard this voice that said you're next.

Speaker 2:

And I don't know if it was my drunk self talking to myself or, like me, I firmly believe it was God. And in that moment I just had this visualization of everything that I had just lived through, of finding out about Justin's death, driving back home, seeing my family for the first time, all of us crying with extended family and his friends going to his visitation, and just the line of people that were there going to his funeral, and like I saw that all again. But it wasn't him in the casket, it was me. And the only thing that I just had, this moment where I was like I can't do that to my family, like I was still at a point where I didn't care if I lived or died but, I was like I just can't do that to them.

Speaker 2:

And from there that was kind of a pivotal point where I started. I drank two or three more times after that because I'm a slow learner to ask my wife.

Speaker 1:

Well, sometimes we have to make sure I can relate to that.

Speaker 2:

But yeah, after that I was. That was kind of the moment, though If I had to say there was a moment that led to a decision, that was the spark.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I'm with you. I believe it was God, 100%. I always say God will never go to the bar with you. God will never sit at the bar with you. He will, but he will wait. He will wait for you to come back out, and I believe that he probably met you in the bathroom. Yeah, so, yeah. So that happened, and now you're not drinking, so you've lost the numbing effect from all that pain. So now, how are you dealing with it?

Speaker 2:

Well, I would say so it's. We're coming up on 10 years since he passed away. I think it's such a tough thing to answer.

Speaker 1:

What mode did you go in? We'll start gradually, so after that, what did you do?

Speaker 2:

So it was a culmination of things. It was actually one of the last times I drank was at a wedding. So we had this cousin that was kind of like that, that fun cousin where Justin and I would just we'd write raps for her and like we'd just goof off. I mean, and you know, she took us to R rated movies when we weren't supposed to go to R rated movies and that cousin.

Speaker 2:

We always told her like, oh, we're going to dress up as a dumb and dumber when you get married, whenever that day comes. And that day came and he wasn't there and I still went and got the suit and I was wearing the orange suit, Actually had the right styling and everything. It was amazing. But my cousin was he wore the other colored suit and I mean, bless him, he was doing everything he could to just fill that spot and we got there and I mean it's actually sad when you see, I've watched through the videos of that wedding and my dad's one of those people who always has the I don't know if you remember him from wrestling and he always has the recorder.

Speaker 1:

Thank goodness they got smaller over the years.

Speaker 2:

But I watched through it and every time you see the bar in the background I'm standing there. And because it was just that final reminder of like he's not here and I got so drunk that night that I just had a breakdown. I don't remember it. I know that my dad heard me say a lot of swear words, I won't repeat, but I pretty much. It got to the point where he was like hey, are you willing to get help? And I admitted that I needed help. So that was kind of two steps in. One was not drinking, but then I started going to therapy and which isn't something that there's such a stigma around all of this stuff I mean, whether it's sobriety, whether it's mental health, whether it's getting help like there's a stigma around even asking for help and letting people know you're struggling, which is crazy.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

Because it's one of the best things I've ever done, and not that that therapist told me anything that my parents or friends couldn't have told me, but it was just somebody who was detached from the entire situation where, like there were things that I was carrying that like I didn't feel like I could tell my parents at the time or that.

Speaker 2:

I could talk to my siblings, or, and so I would say that was kind of the first step, but ultimately is just facing it, I mean, and just kind of facing it head on and leaning on the people that that can support you through it too. Not trying to do it on my own Cause. I've gone that route and I've fallen off track and done that too, and again stubborn.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but we do think we can handle it on our own. And another good reason you know to seek therapy in a situation like that is you know we were talking before we started recording. You know that I had lost a brother, and there's also this part of you that wants to protect your parents from any more hurt. And the last thing I wanted my parents to know was that I was struggling with anything.

Speaker 2:

It wasn't alcohol at the time, but I was more worried about how they were doing than how I was doing by far, because I couldn't imagine inflicting any more hurt on them or worry, and I'm sure you felt the same way I did and it's actually crazy because when we have that, that need to care for others almost right we're so willing to make sure, like you're hurting, but you're wanting to make sure that you're not hurting somebody else. So you're caring for them but it's hurting you. And the funny thing is is that my parent, like everybody in my family, was doing that when it's like for me. I was going, I was living in St Joe for a while, but I was still driving either up North back home to see family.

Speaker 2:

Like I was checking on everyone. I was putting on that mask of like I'm fine, I'm smiling all the time, inside I'm in, I'm a mess, but like I'm good. And because I wanted to show them like that I'm okay. At the same time, my parents are like all they concern their concern was was making sure their kids were okay and they were putting their own health on the back.

Speaker 2:

So it was like we're all trying to make sure that we're okay and, you know, bless my, I'm incredibly blessed to have the parents that I do Like they saw through it and they were so dead set on making sure that their kids not just myself but, you know, my other siblings and my little sister, which is one of my other siblings but all of us were that we were gonna be okay and that we weren't going to go down the same path as my brother, because, statistically, you know, the likelihood dramatically increases if you've lost a sibling or a family member to suicide. So, yeah, I mean they were watching. I mean they were like hawks.

Speaker 1:

So who's grieving really yeah?

Speaker 2:

that's a good question.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, everybody's concerned about each other and trying to deal with it themselves, so, but you were really the only one who picked up a substance in the beginning.

Speaker 2:

That I know of. Yeah, I mean-.

Speaker 1:

Because alcohol wasn't a big thing in your family growing up.

Speaker 2:

No, not at all. I mean to the point where I saw. I don't know if I ever saw my dad drink up until the time I was legally allowed to. They'd have like a Mike's Hard.

Speaker 1:

Living Right right, Something like that.

Speaker 2:

So yeah, I'd seen that, but no, it was, I mean not in our family, like not at all.

Speaker 1:

Right, how old were you when you quit drinking?

Speaker 2:

When I quit drinking. I would have been oh man, you're making me do math that was not a prerequisite.

Speaker 1:

Okay, nine years ago. Yeah, nine years ago. Oh, so I'm gonna date myself.

Speaker 2:

I would be what? 22 when I quit my wife's smiling and giving me a heads up. So she's like you did your yeah, but yeah, so I was 22. I was 21 when he passed away.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

And then 22. I always make the joke that I drank more before I was legally allowed than after, but-.

Speaker 1:

You know and I've said this before, I think I said it to another young man that was on the podcast once I used to look at you know the few times I went to AA, there was always young people on there that had to get their slip signed. You know, they got a DUI or whatever and some of them were in real trouble and I thought to myself the mindset I was in back then. Gosh, that really stinks. It's you have to quit drinking and you're only 22, whatever, at least I got to drink till I was, you know, 40 or so Well, I was actually older than that. But now I look at it whole different perspective and think you are so lucky that you quit when you did. Look how much more time you have to be healthy and whole and make a difference and pursue, you know, your passions and your dreams and not have something like alcohol keep you from that.

Speaker 2:

Well, and just to be alive.

Speaker 1:

And to be alive.

Speaker 2:

The direction I was going with. I mean, there's no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't be here If I had continued to go down the path that I was going down like. So, yeah, I completely agree, it's been one of the biggest blessings that has ever happened. And it also led to. It was a not just a decision, I think, at that moment to want to get sober, but I think it was more of a, a decision and a conviction to want to live too, because I think the two were tied so heavily together at that point where me saying I was gonna stop drinking was also me saying, all right, I'm not gonna give up, like I'm going to get back up, I'm gonna dust myself off and I'm gonna find help. I'm not gonna do it myself.

Speaker 2:

But because I mean, if you look at, like if I had a chart of just positive habits that have changed, like that was one of the big, it was that therapy. And then I mean, even I look at the kind of person I was when I was drinking and just a few short months later to, I mean, my wife's right for anyone listening, my wife is sitting right next to me, but that version of myself that was drinking and partying and being stupid, would have never been the kind of person my now wife would have wanted to go after or wanted to be with, because that's just. We wouldn't have been aligned in who we are, you know, with our just, our habits and our values and our character, and that was another decision. So it was like sobriety going to therapy, like going back, moving back home, which was that was an ego shot too when I'm 22, most of my friends are graduating college and they're getting adult jobs and they're getting salaries, and here I am still not sure what I want to do with my life. But I was working and I burned myself out because I went right back to work.

Speaker 2:

After his funeral, I moved back home and you know, even that just like. But it was a good decision because I leaned in on the people that were there for me and I think, no matter what it is that we're struggling with, like, it's okay to lean on people. There's seasons for everything in life, whether it's a family member, a friend, you know, a spouse. You don't have to go like, you don't have to go through the journey alone.

Speaker 1:

Right and in your case, your parents had had a little time. They were able to be strong for you, summer. Your wife was able to be. It's okay to lean on. It's. There's times in life where we do have to lean on others that are stronger than us, and there'll be times in your life where you're strong and someone's going to lean on you, and I just feel like that just is God's timing of how he works things out. And the problem is is that we carry so much shame about that asking for help and we get ourselves in a pretty deep hole before we're willing to ask for help sometimes. And I often think too, if I would have asked for help but I had the fierce belief that I could fix this and I would fix it. And a lot of times I was like, how's that working for you? And it's not, but for some reason I thought the next day was going to be different, you know.

Speaker 2:

And even if you do fix it, it's like, well, okay, I could go about this my own way and what? It takes me 10 years to figure it out. Or lean on people who have either been there or they have experience, they have different perspectives. It's like, okay, or I can shortcut it. Not shortcut it like shortcut the time and get there a lot quicker and save myself all the pain that they have gone through because they have their own experiences of life or whatever it is. Like so yeah.

Speaker 1:

You know, get in and do the work, yeah, Do what it takes. You know, instead of just you know, there's a lot of people that when they quit drinking, that's all they do quit drinking and expect life to change miraculously for the better. But there's a lot more that goes along with it. Because I think God expects us to change, because I feel like when I quit drinking and I think it's very evident with you too God kind of said okay, great, thank goodness he stopped, because now I can use you, let's get. We've got work to do.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, a lot of work to do.

Speaker 1:

And it didn't happen overnight. So I'll let you pick up what you did for a while and where you went, and I love the story of how you and Summer got together that you shared with me. You know what I'm sharing a little bit of that. Yeah, so Because you guys, I didn't even know you were like married and I knew both of you as kids. I'm like wait, they're together. For Skrull I'll tell you what Yup For Skrull. That's right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so I mean it really ties into that decision to move back home and kind of start to rebuild. It was at a time where I was I wasn't working, I was struggling and our parent, our mom, started scheming, as they sometimes do.

Speaker 1:

Another force-growing mom.

Speaker 2:

Yeah and no. They set up a game night and she was at the time recovering from ankle surgery which was actually a career in Indian ankle surgery for volleyball. She was playing for Hope and going through some of her own battles and we ended up getting together at this game night. And I think the first game night was more of a coincidence. And then our mom saw us together and like okay.

Speaker 1:

Well, let's start to formulate something. Yes.

Speaker 2:

And yeah, I mean it was just one of those things where I think we were both struggling and God just brought two broken people together and, you know, found healing through that too, which is funny because growing up, Jonah was in my younger brother was in her grade. And I was in her older brother's grade and I was always telling Jonah, I'm like bro, you got to go after that girl.

Speaker 1:

She's going to be.

Speaker 2:

she was athletic and not it sounds really creepy when you say it now as an old person, like talk, but as an old person when you're older and I'm like, I'm like, bro, you got to go after that girl.

Speaker 2:

She's going to be cute, she's athletic and then and then yeah, I'm married to her. So then, kind of going from there, we I mean there's so much to try and condense, but I mean, when it comes to and we were talking about habits a little bit earlier before we started this, and I think this is actually a really a really important topic, especially we're going into the new year A lot of people are motivated, they're wanting to make a shift, and we talked about just when you have something that you're getting rid of, you always want to replace it. So you know, if it's like for me, I went from alcohol and I cut that out and it was like I had a death grip on fitness and nutrition and I replaced that bad habit with a good habit and it was. It was good at the time, but I was so strict around it that it started to limit me from living my life and traveling and having experiences with family and friends. But a lot of people, when they're wanting to make a change, whether it's sobriety or even it's like just healthy habits eating healthier or going and getting active or whatever it may be the change that you're wanting to do.

Speaker 2:

So many people think that they have to add something. Okay, well, I'm going to wake up earlier and do this and then do this. And it's like they. I don't know if you've ever had people ask you like what can I start doing? What can I start doing?

Speaker 2:

We think we have to add more to our plate, when a lot of times, it's actually addition by subtraction, where it's like okay, well, what am I doing right now?

Speaker 2:

Or it's like okay, look at your phone and how much you use your screen time. Like, if you're looking at, if you do that, I'm warning you, if you do that, you're going to get a root away, canine, because it's going to be like oh, you use you look at Instagram three hours a day. Yeah, but a lot of times, if you take the approach of addition by subtraction, where it's like okay, well, if I just take one hour or less of screen time a day, then by default we talked about it. Just, you're always going to fill that void with something, and that's where you can start to allow yourself to fill that void with something healthier. So, instead of waking up or instead of going out to the bar or doing something. It's like well, maybe I go for a walk instead, like, but you're not going to find that thing until you get rid of the other thing first, versus trying to just fit everything in at once.

Speaker 1:

Right, because we tend to. I think we go into direct burnout and overwhelm ourselves when I mean, if I look at the ridiculous list I used to have ready to go, that we're all going to help me quit drinking, you know, around fitness diet and oh yeah, in the meantime I'll quit drinking because all these things will take effect. No, they never worked, you know, because the expectations were so high. Yeah, I mean they were ridiculous and yeah, so they never worked at all.

Speaker 2:

No, we try to do too much. We think that it's like I'm going to do this, this, this, this, this, and it looks perfect on paper, but we haven't taken the time to develop those habits or what it's going to take to actually make that happen when a better approach is like hey, just start with one thing just something simple.

Speaker 2:

Okay, if you want to wake up earlier, don't set your alarm for two or three hours earlier. Just this week, I'm going to wake up 15 minutes earlier. Next week, I'm going to set it another five, 10, 15 minutes earlier. Eventually, you're going to have that natural adaptation where you're up two hours earlier and you have more time, or whatever it is. But yeah, that's a great point of just, we try to do so much and we crush it for a week and then we just fall flat on our face.

Speaker 1:

And then you feel like a huge failure and then you got to deal with that. So. But I think the black and white thinking is very typical, especially in early sobriety, because we also have this belief that if we can fix that, you know, if we can let go of that, surely we're strong enough to fix everything else, you know. But I've seen the black and white thinking in myself and a lot of other people gradually just diminish over the years.

Speaker 2:

There's seasons for everything and there's different phases of life too, where you know, for somebody that like for me at a time, that was great. And I still like to track food, because if I don't track food I fall off. Like I just I love sugar but it also just messes me up, like. But it's one of those things where it's amazing how much we talked about shame earlier and just how much our society and just our own, just our own conversation. There's so much shame around everything Like. There's shame around asking for help. There's shame around not being able to do it ourselves. There's shame around even like if you start something and you don't get. You know, maybe you're supposed to hit 11,000 steps and one day you don't get those steps.

Speaker 2:

There's shame around where it's like and we think so black and white, whereas the reality is and I'm going to use diet just because I've been a nutrition coach and fitness and all that but let's say you eat, you know three meals a day and you're supposed to hit 2000 calories and a perfect day would be you hitting that perfectly. But with black and white thinking, if you only eat, let's say, 200 of those calories, you mess up and you have a snack. Black and white thinking says oh, I failed, I'm a failure. But realistically, no, you didn't fail the day. You, you messed up on what a fraction of a percent of the day Like so and when you look at it realistically, it gives yourself. You can give yourself grace through the process of okay, yeah, tomorrow I can do better If that's my goal, but it doesn't make me a failure. I just failed that specific moment.

Speaker 2:

I didn't fail the entire day.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but with a lot of thinking whether, and especially while we're drinking it was like well, I screwed up. Might as well keep going, oh yeah. Or the you know, having the handful of candy that you weren't planning on. Well, I screwed up. Might as well keep going, I'm still guilty of that. I'm not going to lie, I'm not like I used to be, but that used to be a huge problem. Like now, I'm like well, maybe I'll keep going, I don't know, but I don't know, but I don't know, peanut M&Ms.

Speaker 1:

I tell you what, oh my gosh, it just must be a thing.

Speaker 2:

It's so bad.

Speaker 1:

Because they are, I swear they're like, they're like the, they're like the healing power for the you know, like until the next day, when you just have a headache. Yeah, I don't even. They don't even give me a headache. I mean, I feel like. I feel like God made peanut M&Ms just for the person that conquered drinking, like you know what, and the family size, like if you quit you get the family size.

Speaker 2:

That's the full bag, right? Yeah, that's $9.99 at Walgreens you know like that's worth it. You know my wife's laughing because that's like that's my go-to. If I'm going to have M&Ms, it's the peanut M&Ms.

Speaker 1:

Yes yes, because alcohol used to cost a lot more than that. That's what I always say oh man, yeah you got to laugh about it. So I want to move into you guys. You moved away for a little bit during COVID, tried some different things and you moved back for a reason to try something new, and I want my listeners to hear about that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so we actually lived in Missouri and then Oklahoma, so this is our first winter back and it's snowing right now as we're doing this. Yes, but we actually, I would say the reason we moved back, it wasn't initially for the business. We knew we wanted to start a business, but I think it hit both of us that we didn't want to do life without our family in it. We moved away and I think it's one of the best decisions we made to move away because it gave us time to be and start our relationship alone and just have to lean on each other and just have that, the challenge of that and then. But when we move back, I also say that moving back was one of the best decisions we ever made too, because it was our choice to come back here and the perspective that we got of wanting to be with our family and wanting to just be connected and just plant roots and actually like, want to like for the first time in my life.

Speaker 2:

I've always wanted to move away and I never knew, I never thought I would move back to Michigan once I moved away. But and I and just not to go off topic but I think as a society a lot of the struggle with mental health and there's a lot of things that stem from that. I think alcohol is something, drugs, just isolation. It's that mindset of not needing, not having to be connected to people that you know, not planning roots, not, you know, ever having a it doesn't have to be family, but not having your core group of people in your community. Because we've gone into a world of everything. You know I don't need to go to the store, I can order it off Amazon and have it at my door. I can. You know, I don't even have to talk to somebody if I go to the store because I can go through a self-checkout versus actually slowing down and having a conversation with somebody, connecting with somebody.

Speaker 2:

So I think we realized that there was, even though we were meeting people and we love the people that we worked with, we love the people that we connected with and the relationships that we developed there was this void in our lives that we knew that wasn't going to be filled by that, and it was. It was a void. I'd say it was two things. It was spiritually. We weren't growing. We were trying we're kind of dating churches, but I wasn't being a spiritual leader. That she needed and thankfully she challenged me on that, so, but also we just we weren't getting connected. It was.

Speaker 2:

It was one of those things were like, oh well, we might move again, so what's the point in connecting with people? Oh, we might, we might move again, so why get involved with the church? And so coming home and just having that connection, but also just wanting to, just wanting to be here and wanting to connect with people and wanting to have a community where we can engage and we and you can lean on people again and you don't have to do it all yourself, and then going into the next step as we got here and it's like, okay, well, what are we gonna do? Because we've both been in sales and we're at a position where it's like, you know, we don't have kids yet and we both have talked about starting a business. We've always, you know, we've wanted to and just to see, just to at least say whether we succeed or fail, to at least say we tried and I had had this idea actually initially after Justin passed away. That was my brother's name, if I didn't mention.

Speaker 2:

Say it earlier, but for the listeners, yeah but I had this idea and it just came to me when I was reading one night inspire one life or inspire one fitness. It was when I was heavy into fitness at first. Okay, and I started going down that path and it was actually gaining some traction and I had no idea and I actually just imposter syndrome and doubt and fear and just I stopped completely and I always felt again shame.

Speaker 2:

I felt ashamed of it when people would ask me about it or people. I saw people wearing the shirts like there's so much shame, because I felt like a failure. I felt like, oh well, this is, this was a great idea, but since I quit, I can never do it again. And we just we talked about it and we're just sitting there and we're talking about business ideas and whether it's fitness or supplementation or you know, whatever it is sales, and it was just everything was money focused. We're like, okay, how can we make the quickest money? And, you know, start so we can get a house and we can start a family.

Speaker 2:

And and then, just one day, we looked at each other and we just talked about shirts and we're like, you know what a shirt can make a difference, it can spread a message, and we think it could be fun and we literally just started and we decided to take the name inspire one fitness and kind of transfer, or change it into inspire one life, and it just it felt it felt more fitting and it's just, essentially, it's around the idea of you know, if you can take what you've been through like we all have a story, you don't have to be an influencer, you don't have to.

Speaker 2:

You don't have to have a million followers or 10,000 followers or whatever it is like. You have a story and you have the ability to connect with people and the ability to help people. And if you can help one person, who's to say that because you helped that person, because you gave, you came alongside them and gave them help and lifted them up and strengthen, strengthen, strength, then to them that they don't go on to help 10 people and those people don't go on to help 100 people, like it's a ripple effect. So that's that's really what we're doing and what we're starting right now. We're just doing a barrel, it's just spreading positive message, trying to create a ripple effect that inspires others and just brings more awareness to just mental health and just, yeah, this world needs just more good in it yeah, and I've seen your stuff and I love it.

Speaker 1:

You have one on right now inspire one life. What are some of the other things you've been putting on shirts?

Speaker 2:

so we have inspire. One life really is just the name we have.

Speaker 1:

Your life matters and summer's got a really cute one.

Speaker 2:

Yes, your life matters and then another one is endure with a semi colon, and that is actually one that has been a kind of like a personal mantra, I just for a long time, just that, whether it's through a tough workout or and if you break it down, the word endure itself means to remain in existence or to suffer patiently, which sounds terrible, but a lot of times it's what. That's what we do, like we're suffering isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it gives you, I mean, you look at your story, everything that you've been through, I mean, is the reason that you're able to do what you do and connect with people and help people on a deeper level. And, like we were actually talking about this before, the podcast is Summer and I are reading through Job right now and I had actually never heard that story and I don't understand 90% of it.

Speaker 2:

Right, now, and my head hurts, but he suffered immensely and he was faithful through it. He wasn't only faithful and grateful when things were good, and it's one of those things where, going back to the word endure means to remain in existence, so to essentially stay here and to suffer in patience or suffer patiently, and the semicolon in mental health circles means essentially. A semicolon is when an author could end a sentence with a period, or they could conjoin two sentences and keep the sentence going with a semicolon. So essentially it means to remain in existence and this isn't the end. Right, we're not going to end. Yeah, so we're, and you'll see with. We're about to drop some more shirts, but you'll see that the designs we are getting better, our skills are improving, because this is not only starting a business, but we're learning how to screen print.

Speaker 2:

And that is a whole another animal in itself, like that's a whole another skill.

Speaker 1:

Wow, so you set this up in the basement? No, it is at her parents.

Speaker 2:

they have a pole barn and they're. Yeah, it's been a massive blessing because they're allowing us to use the pole barn and build that out, and so we're there right now.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and you're both working on it. Wow yeah, good for you guys.

Speaker 2:

So we're learning that your employee diesel our dog? Yes, he doesn't do anything.

Speaker 1:

Doesn't do anything but he's cute. Seems to have quite a role there. Yes, so, and if you follow them on Instagram, you'll know what I'm talking about. So, no, and I love following you guys on Instagram. It's so much better than the fitness, because I would just feel guilty when I watch that. You know I'm like can't watch that anymore Cause I'm not working out like that, but no, I love that. So what is that? Where you plan on selling your merchandise is on that platform. Are you hoping to break into any markets anywhere, right?

Speaker 2:

now we're I mean especially with like this time of year in Michigan with the snow and stuff we're focused more on like online and just trying to get established with social media online but eventually getting to like doing events and stuff like that and just meeting people, cause we love like social, like face to face interactions are the best. Yeah, but yeah. Right now it's just our website. Inspire one life, so just the word. Inspire the number one, and then lifecom.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

And then you can also find it I mean it's in both of our, in Facebook and Instagram, like the bio, the link is right there too.

Speaker 1:

All right, and I'll get that from you too and put it in the notes, all your contact information as well. So. But you know you mentioned my story of I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing today if it weren't for that, and I am grateful for what I went through, because I wouldn't be who I am today, and I know I'm not perfect by any means. God's not done. He better get busy cause I'm getting old. But you guys got a lot more time, but, um, or so we hope. But you're definitely turning your pain into purpose and I'm sure it's not what you plan. You know you're not in when you're in high school, you're not like boy. I sure hope that I get to live with my parents, with my bride, and set up a little business in my bride's mom and dad's pole bar and that's a dream.

Speaker 1:

That's a dream. We don't think that way. But, honestly, does it get any better than today? No, no, no, it's awesome and I commend you both. And you get to work together. Not everybody can do that. I speak for a family business you know.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, I just keep praying that God blesses your business and that we keep bringing awareness to this mental health. Your families I know both of them and I hope that someone hearing this um, maybe the person that realizes that there is a way out. So we will have all your contact information there as well. So thanks for being here.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for being here. Join us next time for another story of what happens when faith meets addiction.